Friday, March 16, 2012

Where Do You Want Us?

Mom took me to her Bible Study this past Thursday.  Let me just say that I had totally underestimated the magnitude of this thing.  I pictured 5 or 6 women gathered together, drinking coffee, and talking about God.  What I found as an all day event with a few hundred ladies ranging in age from 20 to 80.  We started with brunch and then separated into the classes.  My mom leads the young adults and I was a few years older than several of them; I was also the only one without a child.  No, the dogs don't count in this case. 

Almost all are stay-at-home moms, because who else can spend every Thursday at a Bible Study? And at first I felt very...out of place.  When they asked me what I did, I found myself scrambling to find the words.  I always have difficulty describing my job, but this was different.  Usually I say I am a consultant.  Other times I work in transportation.  Occasionally I'll throw in the words "Supply Chain."  All are true, but figuring out how to describe what we do is an ongoing inside joke.  But, this past Thursday, none of the words seemed right.  I found myself struggling to decide if by labeling myself as one of these things would inadvertently throw me into the "unrelatable" category.  Would they just hear what I do and feel pity for me, thinking it seems so trivial? Or worse, would I seem...uppity and career minded? I quickly realized that these were my own insecurities shining through.  In my heart and down the road, becoming a professional homemaker is my biggest career aspiration...more than any promotion or raise.  It is the one thing I have always felt I was called to be.  But, I would be lying if I said I didn't have some fears about what that could mean.  How do you maintain an adult mindset when you spend 90% of your time with children? Pick up drinking.  Join a Bible Study.

My fears of what could be (years down the road) were erased when I sat down in the group circle beside these amazing young women, and heard some of their stories.  They were so focused, determined, and devoted.  Dedicated to their husbands, children and most importantly to God.  They all have their priorities in place, despite the burdens and hard times some of them are facing.  Many are dealing with health scares and financial hard times, but their heart and trust is in the Lord and they are fighting the fear through Him.  They are choosing to live modestly and make sacrifices so they can continue serving their families as stay-at-home mothers, and they truly seemed to feel like they were where God wanted them to be. 

Asking God where He wants us is something we should be doing all the time.  I tend to only do it when I don't like where I am and want God to "tell" me I should be somewhere else...

Where do you want me, God?
At the beach, perhaps?
Maybe not.

It can be hard to ascertain between where I want me to be and where God wants me to be, and it's something that Brian and I have to remind ourselves to do throughout his career search.  I may not want me to live in Arizona, but that does not mean that isn't where I am meant to be for awhile.

The answers are rarely black and white, but I believe that through prayer we will come to know what God wants of us.  Sometimes He opens the door and sometimes it takes a confusing map, but when we pray for direction and clarity, God will deliver it, in His own time.

Are you where God wants you to be?


Laura said...

What a very thought provoking post... Definitely has me thinking now... No matter where you and Brian end up, I will always come visit!

Unknown said...
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JThomas said...

I enjoyed reading this, Sara. Life can be confusing, and there will be times in our lives when we don't know which direction to go or where life is going to take us next. It is then that we must trust in the Lord. If we seek Him, we will not only learn more about Him, but we will also learn more about ourselves, and this is what gives us the direction we need. It is comforting to know how much He loves us. He has so many wonderful plans for our future and will supply our every need.

Sara said...

So happy to hear that :) I love my Laura visits! xx

Sara said...

You are so right, Joce -- it can be so confusing. You say it so beautifully, He does have wonderful plans for us and will never leave us. Love and miss you a lot.

Rebecca said...

This was wonderfully written. I have found myself on the opposite side of the fence more times than I can count; finding myself in the middle of a group of peers where I am the only one who has children and doesn't have a "real job," as I stay home full-time with them. So I totally understand. My insecurities in the past dealing with those kinds of situations made me feel inadequate too, like perhaps they were judging me for not doing "more" with my life, and I feared that I couldn't relate. But it's amazing what God does with those fears and how He uses people we don't expect to speak directly into our lives. :)

This has always been my dream, my highest calling, and nothing could ever, ever make me happier and more full. YOU are going to be a ridiculously amazing mother one day. :)

You're doing GREAT. Just continue to lean on and trust in Him. His grace is more than enough. :)

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