Thursday, January 10, 2013

The After Holidays/Marriage Rut

I am suffering from a bad case of the after-Christmas-back-in-Arizona-haven't-felt-like-blogging blues.  Almost 3 weeks of time with family, friends, and Christmas left me wishing it would last forever.  The only downside of our trips back home is that Brian and I transform into two ships passing in the night.  He wants to see his friends, I want to see mine.  We both want to see our mutual friends.  Commuting back and forth from Kernersville to Charlotte ends up requiring so much coordination, it becomes all we talk about.  And when we spend all our time planning, we usually get on each others' nerves, disagree, and find it easier to go our own ways instead of hash it out upstairs in our parents' homes.

The process goes something like this:

A couple of these disagreements with no resolution leaves a feeling of dislike in my heart, yet no idea what I am actually unhappy about.  Why do I let those negative thoughts resonate? Why do I seem to open myself up to the opportunity to be passive aggressive?

The aftermath is what I have affectionately nicknamed "digging".  We have to dig ourselves out of the marriage rut and remind ourselves why we like the other person.  The first step is recognizing it.  The second step is identifying it as exactly what it is...TEMPORARY.  And the third and hardest step, is working through it and kicking it out of your home.  No, not your husband, just the rut.


So instead of letting myself hang out in the ditch that Brian we created, I am recognizing this cycle and nipping it in the bud.  I am letting the annoyances of 2012 go, taking a deep breath, and reminding myself that finding peace is no small feat, yet the only way to live :)